--- - "HEY HEY HEY" - ---
Where has the scrawny, essay writing, future failed art student been at? Where's that whack, curly haired, swedish-fish-for-dinner half normie who laughs when it's least appropriate? He came and he left like Newgrounds was a porn set. I need to know where that limp dick, artsy muppet's been at. I miss him.
I was at Applebees, fuck, calm down. They got the cheeseburger eggrolls that mix the flavors of China and America so damn fine. I eat those things and I go slanty in one eye and gain 5 pounds in one titty.
Now if I'm being real, I been busier than a bee if that bee was also a Japenese business man. Sure, a lot of the shit I been saying lately is a little race-based, but I guess that's what happens when you spend the past few months focussed on reality in a town full of mostly white people. Sometimes the craziest thing I'll see all day is a chinese person.
Again, now let me be real, I been up to so much shit. First and foremost, I graduated. Your boy's about to hit the grown up world and the grown up world about to Mike Tyson my life apart with college debt. But hey, sometimes you just gotta spend tens of thousands of dollars to become a trained artist in the world. Seems fair, at least they're not asking for my first born child this time around.
On top of that, I went on my senior trip, held back tears at the senior bash, I got a new job and got fired from it for being busy with graduation, been hanging out with friends nonstop, and partying a lot because that shit is real college prep. I'm headed to Pratt towards the end of August and I'd like to not end up embarassing myself and/or dying because I was unaware of how to handle party situations. Plus all that fun and freedom I been experiencing lately has been with a great group of people who I can safely say I'll miss once I'm out of this milktoast town of mine.
The past few months I been gone, I changed a lot. I been a lot more social, confident, energetic, and pretty healthy. Unfortunately, I also haven't had any DANG time to make any DANG fucking art pieces. Now that all the graduation shit is slowing down, I'm hoping to make some more stuff I can upload so stay tuned. Even if I don't upload much, I'll try to be more active here with posts and whatnot. Hell, who knows how much college will consume my time once I'm there. Hopefully I'll be able to upload higher quality shit with all I'll be learning though.
Thanks for being patient, babes<33 I can't promise I'll be back soon, but I promise if you keep your eyes peeled, you'll see some mint as fuck garbage I'll have uploaded.
--- - P E A C E - ---
GUESS I OUGHTA UPDATE SOME SHIT, HUH?
Aight, allow me to once again spew the contents of my life onto this digital journal like some halfbrained "Diary of a WImpy Kid" fanboy. My life's been moving fast, especially the social aspect, so it was bothering me to see that same goshDAMN post from last month sit so long.
Most importantly, LOOK I MADE ART AGAIN: http://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/chat-man/super-monkey-baller-julian
Oh, also I'm legally an adult now. I can legally be in the army, smoke, sell alcohol but no consume it, and be charged as a pedophile. Truly a magical age to exist at.
A lot's been going on over the past month, with my birthday, prom, 4 AP classes I survived, losing friends but getting closer with ones I have, and mmmmm that new Gorillaz album tho. Basically I been busy as fuck but now my schedule cleared up, especially with no more APs in my way. Especially AP Art jesus christ I was up until like 5am painting pretty pictures and sculpting out clay peepees for that class. Guess I'm ready 4 college now!!!
With all this free time I plan on getting more digital stuff done, so hopefully y'all will see more from me very soon. And who knows, maybe I'll upgrade this blog from toilet paper for my personal life into something better. Maybe the headquarters for the Jimmy Neutron hentai fanclub?? Anything's better than this.
Anywho, expect to see me back real soon, fellas!! I got plenty more arts in store for your precious lil retinas to beat off to<333
GREETINGS ONCE AGAIN, STALKERS AND STRANGERS ALIKE.
I don't have any sort of vlog ot let's play channel of sorts, so I compensate by doing a loud and obnoxious intro at the beginning of each blog post. Did it get your attention? Did your brain rattle at the idea of how loud that intro would have been if it were real?
My fucking brain's rattling, but that's because I'm unhappy. Allow me to update everyone on a few things.
I MADE NEW ART, LOOK: http://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/chat-man/complications
It's about complex emotions, such as how fucking gay I am for making art about emotions. But in all seriousness, I've had a bit of a rough patch in my social life. Turns out one of the effects senioritis has on some people is morphing them into gigantic bags of dicks. Just so happens a lot of these people were people I was close to. People ain't exactly been the nicest to me. Now you'd think with all this emotional shit, I could probably go for a big bag of dicks right about now, right? WRONG. I need some cuddling, my friends. I need me a nice date out at the bed and breakfast place with the fancy syrup options and oversized waffles. I'm so tired of getting metaphorically ass rammed by people who once cared about me.
At this point I'm just waiting out the rest of the school year because I got nothing left to look forwards to from it. I'm headed to Brooklyn by the end of August to attend a fancy art college, so I got lots of great new people and experiences to look forwards to there. School's dead to me, homies.
I'm on spring break still, so I've been chilling out and living life. I went on a cruise, which was dope. I went to Haiti and Jamaica. Jamaica especially was one hell of a place, with all the pot brownies for sale and jumping down waterfalls and shit. The cruise ship itself was a party city. I got to finally act my age and meet people who were like me. Sucks I have to wait another several months before I can get to have anything like that again.
I dunno, I really just write these things for myself so I can look back and reflect. Hopefully I'll be in a better spot soon.
Anyways, catch you FUCKS later.
LOVE U BYE<3
YOU FURRY APES
I just released my very first game right here, GO LOOK!: http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/690727
It's a game I made for an AP programming class using some shitty Code.org website. I had to export it into HTML to get it to work outside of the website which was a bitch but the important thing is, IT WORKS ON MOBILE TOO. So rather than using your portable devices to find material to whack your benjamin franklin to, I suggest a nice quality time with your very own virtual buddy.
I did all the artwork coding, and credited where I took sound loops from. It was tough to make but I like the end result, just wished it loaded a little smoother.
I was really inspired by a lot of those crude flash games where you just kill and/or beat the everloving shit out of a cute cartoon character. I loved playing those when I was just a small boy, a lost 10 year old child on the internet. No club penguin for me, just clubby the seal all day. Only 90s kids will remember!!!
So how about you get yourself a nice glass of wine, put on your most velvet-y robe, sit down by the fire, and brutally murder a cute little smiley face. And maybe leave a comment and a rating or something, I dunno.
THANKS LOVE YOU BYE<3
GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE!
Outside of my huge Futurama kick and getting my wisdom teeth painfully slashed my from face, I actually got shit done! I've submitted three new pieces to the art portal, all pieces being some of the best work I've done. You can see them here:
I'm especially proud of the Same Drugs one I made for Chance The Rapper. That dude's music is an inspiration, I've been a huge fan since I discovered his album 'Coloring Book' back in December. And with the release of an amazing music video to his song Same Drugs, I just had to make something. Look it up if you haven't already.
And check all that art shit out because it might be another DECADE before I upload again. I been getting better about it though, so who knows?? The viagara a la work ethic seems to be finally kicking my lazy bones into gear. Basically senior year's been helping me to improve my work while simultaneously doing way more of it. It's like a stressful circus act where you juggle projects instead of knives!!
Be sure to stay tuned. BYE.
The FUCK is up with you all, how the FUCK are you?? I'm pretty good. Good enough to give an enthusiastic DMX-inspired intro. For the record, I am alive. Busier than a child actor on 90s Nick, but alive. For how much longer? I dunno. I got heart problems man, can't sleep that shit off.
So what have I been up to that has prevented me from uploading any art online when I claim to be so busy? School and COMMISIONED art. "Wowee," you declare outloud after reading that word, "Why the heck did he put so much emphasis on it?" I'm sure you're very impressed by this big boy word I just threw out there for you to rub your dick to. The work I've been doing lately is not the fun, carefree art that I normally like to do. Instead it is artwork that is parts of multiple projects that are all school-related. I've got the wonderful yearbook project that is coming to close real soon, as well as a poster for a drama club local play that I've been hired to do the artwork for. I've also got my AP Art class on top of that, so let's just say I haven't really been able to put my attention anywhere near surreal interpretations of the Simpsons as I would normally be doing.
So, yeah, busy. It's pretty cool to get my name out there though. Once all these projects come to a close, you can count on plenty more of my usual crap-on-canvas to wipe up with your eyes.
I'm on my fifth tube of GoGurt, it's been a rough week everyone.
I've been contemplating life questions. Such as my future, my social and emotional state, and where Oscar the Grouch goes to the bathroom.
Hate being a Debbie Downy with an extra frowny-face chromosome, but hey, I'm feeling much better. Just hit a bit of a bump, but fortunately I'm one of those rubber babies that just bounces back into life's arms after being dropped. Drawing things I like really helps me feel better, so look forwards to more art!! I just finished a piece and will be starting another shortly. Feel free to review if you wanna<3
See ya bums later B^)
Jesus Christ. It's 2017.
It's both a insane and really underwhelming thought. I mean, on one hand it's the year that a highschool senior like me has had to wear on my soul like a nazi armband for the past decade. To think that the year is finally here, well, it's a bit crazy to say the least. However, just because it's 2017 doesn't mean shit suddenly changed. Sure the number changed, but it's kind of hard to comprehend that a year symbolic of so much change has arrived when even my seat hasn't changed in the past 24 hours. And I'm pretty sure that corn chip stuck in my ass crack was from New Year's 2015.
All jokes aside, my life has changed a lot. Not because of 2017, but because of the point in life I have reached. I've never been so grounded in reality with so much to show for it. First off, my number one choice college has accepted me into their program and even threw a solid $13000 annual scholarship in my direction. Like, damn, that's one hell of a bone they throw me. That's some Flintstones shit right there. So, needless to say, I know where I'm going in life. And this is the most passionate and confident I've ever been in my artwork. For once in my life, I feel like the shit I make is something I can show the world without a horrible regret. 2016 was a fantastic year of artistic improvement, and I can't wait to see where 2017 takes those skills.
My social life is also pretty great. Sure, a lot of my friends have become distant and wrapped up in their own lives and some even decided to drop me like their drunken uncle dropped them as an infant. To them I say, whatever, fuck you, just don't come crying to me about "boohoo we should've hung out more because now we'll probably never see each other ever again." I'd be really lucky not see some of them ever again. But that's besides the point. The friends I have are ones I really appreciate. Nice people who I can count on for a laugh. Even better is the relationship I'm currently in. She's the best girl I could've asked for, and her company outdoes just about everyone else's. Because woah. She's lady jesus.
So, yeah, sorry for my latenight ramblings. I write these wall-shits purely for my own self entertainment. Because I know some time in the future, I'll be able to look back on this digital cringefest of diary and remember the good ol' days before I lived in a box.
I hope y'all had a great Christmas and an even better New Year.
SEE YOU FUCKS SOON! KISSES!!
If Santa Claus sees everything that means he sees you pee in the shower teehee. Hope you like coal for Christmas.
'TIS THE SEASON. So as we all know, Christmas is on it's way and everybody's getting gifts for each other in the spirit of not looking like an asshole!! Christmas is actually my favorite season though. It's the one time of year that perfectly pieces together the things in life I love. Good people, good food, good times, and maybe some cool new stuff. I could work at Hallmark with that attitude. I've decided to let the good spirit get to me and I'm going to be gifting artwork and stuff I've made and will have printed onto things like posters, phone cases, and clothing. It's gonna be one hefty task. Guess I'm a masochist when it comes to pens and paints. I've already got a lot of deadlines coming up. I'm running short on time and money but who knows- Maybe a wet kiss on the mouth from Santa man himself will give me enough Christmas magic to survive. In the mean time, it's up the the magic of holiday anxiety to give me the strength to succeed.
I'll be back soon. Keep my sleigh-seat warm, fellas!
Allow me to update you F U C K S on what's been happening in my life. First off, lot's of art. I mean I can't even take a shit without wiping my ass with some fucking picasso piece of wonder. Of course, I'm not saying I'm anywhere close to picasso right now. In fact, I'm probably closer to that left ear of his he cut off. Nevertheless, I been in full creative drive and I have yet to crash into that homeless person jaywalking we all call "art block." So keep your eyes peeled for some more of my content!! I been doing a lot with my school's mascot lately on account of being the only senior in my school who does digital cartoons. Plus I'm in yearbook so it's cool that I'll be able to get those drawings of the blue devil into the book for all to see! Except the cover won't be revealed to all the peeps in my school 'til June, so it'll probably look like garbage to me by then haha. But check out my recent pieces here, here, and HERE. The Homer Simpson one is just a quickie but I might do more like that since it was fun.
Other than that, it's just school, girlfriend, and lame-o politics. Thank god for the girlfriend part because fuck school and fuck politics. I'm not even gonna get too into detail about politics, I just kinda hate both sides right now (but mostly the left lmao). But hey, these conditions in society have made a pretty awesome season in South Park I recommend everybody watches. Plus JonTron becoming a political figure is my favorite. Bless his little heart.
I hope to see you all soon once more. Give papa a big ol' kiss on the mouth!!